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When a white Woolfer reported that a black man in a park had exposed himself to her, many in the group were inflamed that she had noted his race. Collins read every post herself, to steer the conversation and defuse tension.But when the group swelled to 3,000, she asked some of the early Woolfers to help her moderate; now, about 20 women have oversight of what’s posted. Collins chastised the group for what she saw as occasional reflexive pettiness.

Collins said, and she had to step in to remove comments that were aggressive, moralistic and vitriolic.

Collins is half-black — expensively educated and housed liberals.

You would assume that group would mirror itself online and stay small and homogeneous.

She also cops to divorce envy, and notes the benefits of prenups, long-term-care insurance and pharmaceuticals like Xanax.

In its breezy candor, the book is as appealing and appalling as the conversations of the Woolfers online, though it lacks the tartness and invective that occasionally erupts there, turning a you-go-girl group of self-affirmers into an unruly scrum. “We’re talking about super-candid things, and people have strong opinions.

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Woolfers in New York City began meeting in person, as Ms.